I thought asking 'What do you do?' was a harmless icebreaker until a patient's family member shut it down last week.

4 comments

4 Comments

Honestly, we forget how loaded that question can be for people in tough spots. I was at a party once and asked a guy that, and he just quietly said he was on medical leave. The whole mood shifted because he clearly didn't want to talk about it. It forces people to either lie, overshare, or feel bad. Maybe we should just ask what they've been enjoying lately, something that doesn't tie their value to work.

foster.jordan9d ago

I read an article not long ago about how in some cultures asking what someone does is considered rude because it assumes work defines who you are. They suggested asking "what's been on your mind lately" instead, which feels way more open ended. I tried it a few times and it actually led to better conversations. People talked about hobbies, stuff they were worried about, or even just what they watched on TV last night.

murray.cora2mo ago

Why do we even ask that question? It puts people in a box right away. Some folks are between jobs or hate their work. Others might be caring for family, which is a full time job nobody pays you for. It just feels like we're judging someone's worth by their job title. Maybe we should find a better way to start a chat.

vera1952mo ago

Ever think it was just polite small talk? I asked it for years. That patient's family member really made me stop and see it differently. Now I see how it can put people on the spot. You're right, maybe asking about a good book or show is just easier for everyone.