Here is a trick that helped me end a friendship without a fight

I had this buddy Dave from work who would always borrow money, like $20 here and there, and never pay it back. About six months ago, I started just saying "no" really calmly and not giving any big explanation, just a simple refusal. Two weeks of that and he stopped calling me altogether, no drama or blow up. Has anyone else found that just setting a boring boundary quietly makes the toxic people drift off on their own?

3 comments

3 Comments

barbara_grant49d agoMost Upvoted

Its kind of wild how this works in so many areas of life, not just friendships. Like at my gym there was this guy who would always ask to work in with me on the same machine, and I just started smiling and saying "I got a few more sets" without making eye contact or offering to switch off. After a week he found someone else to bother. The quiet boring no is really powerful because it gives the other person nothing to push back against, no frustration to feed off of. Idk, once you realize most people who take advantage are banking on you feeling guilty or needing to explain yourself, the whole thing gets a lot easier to shut down.

shane_park9210d ago

Oh man, I gotta say that's not really a trick for ending a friendship without a fight, it's more like you just stopped letting someone use you. I mean, if someone only hangs around because they can borrow money, that's not really a friend to begin with, right? It sounds like you did the right thing by setting a boundary, but calling it a trick to end a friendship kinda misses the point. That guy was taking advantage of you, and you just stopped letting him. Maybe it's just me, but I think a real friend would have stuck around even after you said no a few times, not vanished. So idk, I feel like you didn't lose a friend, you just got rid of a leech.

the_sam9d ago

That line about "no frustration to feed off of" really hit me, @barbara_grant4. I used to think you had to explain yourself or give a reason to be nice about things, but you're right, that just gives people something to argue with. Now I just say "can't do it" with a blank face and move on, and sure enough the ones who were only around for what I could give them fade out fast. It feels weird at first but it works way better than all those conversations I used to dread.