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Realized I was the toxic one after my sister stopped calling
Took me about 3 years after my sister quit talking to me to figure out I was the problem. She just stopped answering my calls one day and I was furious for months. I blamed her for being cold and distant, kept telling myself she was the one with issues. Then I found an old voicemail I left her where I spent 4 minutes complaining about her job choice and her husband. Listened back to it and cringed so hard I had to shut my phone off. I had been lecturing her every conversation, never once asking how she was doing. She finally texted me last Christmas and I just apologized without making excuses. Has anyone else had that moment where you realize you were the bridge you burned?
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max_brown20d ago
The_wade nailed it with "owning it" because that's really the only way forward once you see it. I had a similar wake-up call with my brother a few years back. What helped me was actually writing down what I wanted to say before any tough talk, so I could spot where I was being all lecture-y and not just listening. Then I made myself wait a full day before reaching out, gave myself time to cool off and think about what he needed to hear. It's not easy but apologizing without all the excuses is the only thing that actually rebuilds things.
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carter.joseph21d ago
I get what you're saying, but that voicemail thing feels a little harsh on yourself. Everyone complains sometimes, and one bad voicemail doesn't mean you were the whole problem.
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