TIL that cutting off my toxic cousin actually made my holidays 80% less stressful

Last Thanksgiving I finally did it. I told my cousin Rachel I couldn't do the fake nice thing anymore after she spent the whole previous Christmas making passive aggressive comments about my job and my weight. I found this article online about how family estrangement is way more common than people admit, like 1 in 4 Americans have cut off a family member. That stat blew my mind because everyone I know acts like it's this huge taboo. I sat down and wrote her a short text saying I needed space and then blocked her number. My mom was furious for about two months but she got over it. This year I spent Thanksgiving with my partner's family instead and nobody made me feel like garbage. Has anyone else here dealt with a cousin or sibling situation where the whole family took their side?

3 comments

3 Comments

kai_webb911mo ago

mom was furious for about two months" - did she ever actually respect your choice?

ivan7741mo ago

Read somewhere that some parents never get over their kid not following the plan they had for 'em, so @kai_webb91 your mom might just be hiding how she really feels.

taraross1mo ago

Start with noticing how people treat family like it's this sacred cow that can't ever be questioned, even when they're the ones making you miserable. @ivan774 is right that some parents never get over the plan they had in their heads, my neighbor's wife still brings up her brother's "phase" of not talking to their mom five years later like it's still a secret scandal. That whole "but family" line is just a guilt trip people use to avoid dealing with the real problem, which is that someone in that family is being a jerk. Good for you for breaking the pattern, most folks just keep smiling and taking it forever.