Coworker's joke about my grandpa shifted my view on dark humor

I used to be pretty rigid about what was off limits for jokes, especially anything about family loss. Then last year at a warehouse job in Phoenix, this guy Mike saw me looking at a picture of my late grandpa on my phone. He goes 'What's that, your ghost hunting selfie?' and I almost snapped at him. But then he just said 'Hey, my dad used to say the dead can't haunt you if you make fun of them first' and laughed. He wasn't being mean, he was trying to connect. It stuck with me because he lost his dad too and joking about it was how he coped. Now I wonder if I'm too sensitive about certain topics or if it's okay to let people in that way. Has anyone else had someone break through your wall with a joke about something heavy?

3 comments

3 Comments

sean_green4413d ago

Used to think dark humor was just people being disrespectful honestly. But a buddy of mine cracked a joke about his mom passing right after mine died and it threw me off at first. Thing is he wasn't making fun of her, he was just letting me know he got it and sometimes laughing is easier than crying. Kinda changed my whole view on what's okay to joke about.

xena_bailey1813d ago

Heard that loud and clear. My cousin made a joke about her dad's funeral after I lost mine and I was honestly ready to be mad. But then she just looked at me and said "I know, right?" and something about her just knowing that same hollow feeling made the joke land different. It wasn't about disrespecting anyone. It was like she was saying "we're in this weird club together and I'm holding the door open for you." That's when I got that dark humor can be a handshake between people who've been through the same fire, not a punchline at someone's expense.

michael_green4413d ago

Wait, does this mean I can FINALLY start cracking jokes about my own terrible life choices? Because I've been sitting on a goldmine of bad decisions and embarrassing moments that make grandpa jokes look tame. Seriously though, I used to be the guy who'd get offended at EVERYTHING until my cousin made a joke about our shared family history of falling down stairs - we've both got scars to prove it - and I realized laughing about it actually made me feel less alone. Sometimes the darkest stuff is the ONLY way to break the ice when you're both carrying the same heavy weight. My policy now is if you can make ME laugh at my own mess, you've earned the right to joke about anything.