The day I realized my 'networking' was just awkward small talk

I spent two years going to industry meetups in Austin thinking I was building connections, but nobody ever followed up with me. Then a senior dev told me I was asking 'How's the weather' instead of 'What problem are you solving right now.' That hit me hard. Has anyone else had that moment where they found out their whole approach was off?

3 comments

3 Comments

xena_bailey181mo ago

@patricia262 that shift from "what do you do" to "what problem are you solving" really is a cheat code, I agree. I switched to asking people about the biggest headache they solved last week and suddenly conversations went somewhere. @sagecooper is right too, that senior dev did you a solid. My trick is to mention one specific thing I'm stuck on at work, and nine times out of ten they'll chime in with their own war stories.

sagecooper1mo ago

Man, did that senior dev do you a solid or what? Honestly, that "what problem are you solving" line is pure gold. I've been to plenty of those meetups where I'm just shuffling around with my drink, and the convo never gets past "so, what do you do?" It's like we're all scared to actually dig in and talk real work stuff. That moment when you realize you've been doing it all wrong is rough, but at least you caught it early. Now you can actually have a proper chat instead of just trading business cards that end up in a drawer.

patricia2621mo ago

It's funny how that "what do you do" script is everywhere now, not just at tech meetups. I notice it at family gatherings too, people just cycling through the same surface level questions because it's easier than actually talking. Maybe it's just me but that little shift from describing your job to talking about the problem you're solving feels like a cheat code for real conversations. Saw a neighbor do it at a block party once and suddenly everyone was talking about real stuff instead of just nodding over potato salad.