A beta reader told me my opening chapter was like reading a dictionary - here is what I changed

She said every paragraph started with a character description instead of action, so I had to cut 3 pages of eye color and hair details. Went back and rewrote the first 5 pages to start with my character tripping over a corpse instead. Has anyone else had to kill a bunch of description after one piece of feedback?

3 comments

3 Comments

nguyen.angela12d ago

Tripping over a corpse is definitely an upgrade from describing someone's eyes.

jamieb8011d ago

I mean, I get it's a funny line, but that kind of description feels like it's trying too hard to be shocking. A well-placed line about someone's eyes can tell you more about a character than a literal stumble. Sometimes a simple "his eyes were bloodshot and tired" sets a mood faster than tripping over a body.

leehall12d ago

nguyen.angela is right that tripping over a corpse is way more interesting than eye color, but I kinda feel like people overcorrect on description these days. Like yeah, three pages of hair details is too much, but a lot of modern writing swings so hard into non-stop action that I can't even picture where the scene is happening. There's a middle ground where you can drop a line about someone's tired eyes or a weird scar in the middle of the action and it actually adds to the scene without stopping it dead.