Small win: A client in Ferndale told me my landing page was too wordy and it killed my conversion rate fix

I got this feedback from a guy running a bike shop near 9 Mile. He said I was using too many adjectives and nobody reads that stuff. I cut the homepage text from like 400 words down to 150 and added a simple CTA button. My bounce rate dropped from 68% to 42% in about two weeks. Anyone else had a client call em out on something obvious you were missing?

3 comments

3 Comments

irisowens1mo ago

Man, that's a solid call out from the bike shop guy. Same thing happened to me with a local landscaping biz. They told me my copy sounded like I was trying too hard to be fancy, like I was selling them a luxury car instead of a lawn mower. I stripped out all the flowery language and just said what we did and why it matters. Conversions jumped like 15% in the first month after that. Did you keep any of the old text or just scrap the whole thing?

vera1951mo ago

Nah, I kinda disagree with @irisowens - fancy talk worked for my crowd.

gavin4691mo ago

And it really depends on the crowd, you know? I had a buddy who ran a dive bar and tried to talk all fancy about their cocktails, and people just wanted to hear "this one tastes like a bourbon slushie.