Saw the trick at a Chamber of Commerce lunch in Tulsa that changed my cold email game

I was sitting at a Chamber of Commerce networking lunch in Tulsa last month, kind of zoning out during the speaker. This older guy next to me, local real estate agent, leaned over and said "you're sending too many words." He showed me his phone with a cold email he wrote that was literally 5 sentences max, no fluff, just a clear ask. I realized I had been writing these long paragraphs trying to sound professional, but nobody reads past the first two lines on mobile anyway. So I cut my next batch of outreach emails down to under 80 words each, with a specific subject line like "quick question about your Q3 plans." My open rate went from 22% to 41% in one week, and I actually got 3 replies from people who never responded before. Has anyone else tried shortening their emails way down like that and seen a big jump?

3 comments

3 Comments

alicemurphy6d ago

Wait, you're telling me that real estate agent just showed you his phone with a 5 sentence email and you actually tried it? Because that's basically how I figured out the same thing. Honestly, I used to write these full-on cover letters for cold emails, thinking I had to prove I was smart and professional. Then I started cutting everything down to just the facts and a clear ask, and my reply rate jumped too. It's wild how much people appreciate brevity when they're scanning on their phones. I've found that if I can't say it in 4 sentences or less, I'm probably overcomplicating it.

logan_mitchell6d ago

I mean, is sending an email really that deep?

finleyl394d ago

So you seriously just copy-pasted a tip from some agent's phone screen and it Actually worked?