I used to send the same opening line to every match for like 3 years...

My go-to was always 'Hey, how was your weekend?' because I thought it was safe and easy. Then a girl I matched with on Hinge in Seattle replied 'You know you can see my weekend photos on my profile right?' and I realized I was being super lazy. She unmatched before I could even reply, but that moment made me see how my generic opens were probably getting ignored by everyone else too. I started actually reading profiles and asking about specific things, and my reply rate went up a ton. Has anyone else had a wake-up call about their opening messages?

4 comments

4 Comments

karenb979d ago

Oh man, the goat question is genius. I had a similar thing happen where I saw a girl holding a fish in her photo and I asked "Did you catch that fish or did you buy it at a store for the photo op?" and she actually laughed and said her dad would be offended I even asked that. It turned into a whole convo about her fishing trips. Generic openers are like putting a robot in charge of your dating life. You gotta give them something weird or specific to latch onto or theyll just bounce to the next guy who actually tried.

kimfisher9d ago

Dude I'm pretty sure my go-to opener used to be "hey how's it going" and I could practically hear the collective sigh from every match. My dumb ass would sit there wondering why nobody wanted to talk, meanwhile I was giving them nothing to work with. Now I just lean into whatever weird thing I spot like if someone's got a cat in their pic I'll ask if the cat approves of them dating or if it's a secret hater. Half the time I get a laugh, the other half I get a story about their cat being a jerk. Either way it's way better than the boring small talk graveyard.

nancyg149d agoTop Commenter

I mean, idk if it's really that deep though. Like yeah, generic openers are boring and all, but I've had perfectly fine convos start with a simple "hey how's your week going" and it went somewhere. Not every message needs to be a performative comedy bit or an interrogation about a goat. Maybe it's just me but I feel like if someone's gonna unmatch over a basic opener, they probably weren't that interested in the first place. I get that standing out helps, but some of y'all act like you're delivering a TED Talk every time you type a first message.

ross.lily9d ago

The weekend question is the worst because everyone asks it. I had a similar moment when a guy replied "My weekend was fine, yours?" and then asked zero follow up questions. It hit me that I was doing the exact same thing, just asking surface level stuff and hoping they'd carry the conversation. Now I force myself to find one weird detail in their photos or prompts and ask about that instead. Like if they have a photo with a goat, I'll ask if they stole that goat or if it was a planned meetup. That stupid goat question got me more replies than any generic opener ever did. Girls can smell copy paste messages from a mile away and they're right to unmatch over it.